Here is my interview with Mary. She's on Facebook: FACEBOOK PAGE
And this is her story
Stephanie, thank you so much for this fun interview. I am so honored you asked me my opinion and decided it is worth sharing. The fact that you are in a menage yourself, bring a complete extra dimension to your stories. Thank you. Mary 1. Have you ever been in, or are you in a Ménage relationship?
Yes. In fact, I have been in two relationships. One was MFF, and the other was MFM.
I have also had threesomes. I have also had FF encounters. I have also been intimate with two men who were gay, had never been with a woman and I was their first woman. At the end of the day, the relationship I am the most comfortable in is MFM. But the longest relationships I have had were MF.
I have never had a MMF relationship. But I think I would have been on the side by choice or no choice and too much of a voyeur. LOL
2. What do you find fascinating about the Ménage lifestyle, whether you're in one or know of someone that is?
It is not logical to think that you can find perfection in one person. However, in two, chances are way higher. You can love the sense of humor and tenderness in one, and you can love the intensity and dominant side of the other. It is like a puzzle.
It is very rare that we have one and only one relationship like our grandparents used to have. Now we stay a few years, then divorce or separate, then find another person and so on. So instead of having one MF relationship at a time, we have 2 MF at a time. Because at the end of the day, we love multiple times during our lifetime. Having two different people at the same time allows us to appreciate everyone better, or I should say be more careful about respecting the others. If you hurt one, you hurt everyone in the process. I think having a menage is unique and special and when the relationship is stabilized for a long term, I think all parties are more careful around each other although nothing is certain and just like any relationship, they can end for the same reasons as a MF
I've never been one dimensional. I love, and I can love multiple times at the same time. It will be a different love but I do not believe in ‘I love him more than the other.’ Love is love. It is unique because the love I have for this person is special and made for this person only.
Sex is another matter.
I love to have multiple hands on me and I love not being able to know how it will be done. I am very bratty and I like to dominate in bed but there is nothing I love better than a man taking over and the other one pushing my limits.
This can be done with one man only but with two, it is quite something. *wink*
3. What do you like about reading Menages?
This is what defines me. Being in a ménage is what makes me content. So reading about them is natural for me. Reading about ménages, makes me hope that many are in the closet and one day everyone will be accepted without judgement.
In a book, a romance, the ending is always happy. People involved always find a solution for their struggle. Everyone around them, are very accepting. I mean it is truly a fairy-tale environment. Men are gorgeous, women curvy; because let's face it, the majority of us are not model material.
Even the BDSM elements in stories are tamer, and sweet, and fun to read. Being in the lifestyle is much different. Trust me, this is not reality! LOL
I generally deplore authors who do not try to insert more realism and credibility in their stories. For example, they lack distinct personalities in the love relationship. Men seem to always be attached at the hip to their partner. This is ridiculous.
But I shouldn’t lump all the stories as one. It is not always the case and when I find a story I can truly relate to, I am really in my ‘reader zone.’ I can relate to the heroine and for a couple of hours, I forget this story is only fiction.
4. What's your opinion of those that are in the lifestyle?
Sadly, time has not come yet to be out of the closet like the gays/lesbians are right now. Except for teens and some places. I still read way too many suicides, or about bullying, and that is not acceptable. But now in bigger cities, it is easier. That was not the case years ago. Now gays/lesbians can marry and a huge part of the population are okay with that (myself included, of course!). For ménages, it is not the case, still in hiding for most.
But polyamory is another story. The majority of the population associate polyamory with Mormon; which is one male, multiple females. In Africa, we also have one male, multiple female relationships. As far as I know, I do not know a country that allows one female, multiple men relationships.
I met someone who was in a polyamory MFMF; although it was only a co-worker and she never really told me all of the details. It started great (as usual), then jealousy reared between the women and the relationship ended.
So, unless the cities are very open-minded (I am thinking San Francisco, Los Angeles, maybe New York City); I think it will take a few decades or something major to change the mentality.
A woman who is in more than one relationship, or in a relationship with more than one, is considered a whore. Period. Sad, but true.
5. If you are not already in one, would you become involved in one?
Yes.
Although chances of finding the right partners is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. It takes a lot of chemistry, commitment, respect, communication, and lack of jealousy ... times two!
6 From your experience, either personal or through research, what advice would you give to someone that wants to try this unconventional arrangement?
See response above.
There is no recipe. It works with some people and not with others. You can spend your life searching for your soulmate. So, just imagine trying to find two.
It takes people who are already upfront and open to this kind of relationship, or at least, have an open mind. Everyone needs to live day to day, and then maybe with a bit of luck, contemplate a more permanent arrangement.
It takes compromise, concessions, and a couple of fights in the process. But at the end of the day, if the fundamental friendship and love is not there, nothing will last longer than a fling.
Life is not like in romance. Everyone has a different relationship with each other depending on their personalities.
The, ‘we have sex together all the time is BS.’ The, ‘we cuddle and agree on everything all the time is BS.’ Romance novels give an unrealistic view of relationships.
In fact, I would say for this kind of relationship to work, everyone must be very frank and extra clear on what they like, dislike, love, and hate. The ‘hard limits,’ to use a BDSM term, must be discussed. Nobody should assume or use a crystal ball. And if something does not work, it has to be discussed immediately. Communication is a major key.
It is like everything in life. It depends of your personality and it depends on the people you surrender yourself to. If you have an open mind, and people around you are also in the same frame of mind, then chances are you will all be adventurous at one point, and will be higher than the majority of people.
No pressure. No long-term expectations in the first threesome... please! It takes patience, and understanding, and luck.
If you are at ease with your sexuality and at ease to love multiple people, and again those people accept who you are, then chances look better that you will get what you wish. You also have to consider the city where you live. In San Francisco and LA, it is easier than middle of nowhere USA, in a town where everyone knows each other and everyone goes to church. OK. This is totally stereotyping, but you get my meaning.
But honestly, long-term ménage are rare. Because it is not one individual. It must work for ALL, at the SAME time. And that is the hardest part. Not impossible, but difficult to find all the elements. Starting a recipe from scratch is not impossible but it takes some work, and trying, and at the end something magical may happen: a great relationship with multiple people you love and love you back.
You can find Mary at her website and learn all the technical stuff, about menages, threesomes and so on. This is a great reference site for those that are still confused about the dynamics of such an unconventional relationship. Just click on WEBSiTE below!