Okay guys, it’s me Stephanie. This is my P.O.V.
Let’s dive in. Mutual Friend and I are in Miami, sharing a room which the dear Hubster set up. We interviewed the person we wanted, and so did Giuseppe. Now Mutual Friend and I had a week free time. He wanted to see the sights, do some jet skiing, snorkeling, stuff like that. I wanted to shop. We compromised. We went to some aquarium and did some shopping. Once we got back to the hotel. We ordered dinner to our room. Then we watched some television …..in bed. We were just sitting up in bed watching the tube, fully clothed. It was innocent. It wasn’t until I got up to shower, that things got too cozy. I got out of the shower and Mutual Friend was right there with the towel in his hand. He handed it to me, not saying a word. I quickly wrapped myself up and walked out. Well I tried to, Mutual Friend grabbed me and pulled me close to him and just held me. He then said how he wished I would just accept the fact that we both love each other. He then tried to have a deep conversation with me. He asked why I was being too conventional. Why was I harboring so much guilt about being in love with him too, especially if Giuseppe had basically given his blessing. Was I mad at Giuseppe for not taking his marriage vows seriously? Those were all good questions. I just didn’t have the answers for them. I was really confused. I did tell Mutual Friend however that I was resentful at the fact that Giuseppe thought it was okay for me to be with him. I wasn’t into an open marriage. Mutual Friend reassured me that it was a one-way deal. Giuseppe wasn’t in love with any other woman. I was the only one for him. And he knew that he was the only for me. And apparently, he also knew that I was the only one for Mutual Friend and vice versa. I had trouble with this. Yes, I was raised in a very conservative African American family. For those that don’t know, there are certain rules you follow and certain rules you don’t break. And if you break them…you’re an outcast. This was ingrained in me and all the women in the family. When mom was eight months pregnant with me, my biological father was tragically taken away from her. In order not to be seen an unwed mother, even though she told everyone that she was a widow, she had to get married. In came my German stepdad. I am grateful and wouldn’t change a thing. He is my father as far as I’m concerned. I wouldn’t be the woman I am without him. The traveling, the entrepreneurial spirit etc. But imagine what my mom went through in making that arrangement. She needed a husband. He needed a Green Card. At that time, things were not as tight as far as marrying and keeping someone in the country. I guess I kinda saw my marriage now as unconventional too. When I explained this to Mutual Friend, I think he understood. But he also remined me that I’m my own person. Just because I have the same DNA doesn’t mean I’m a clone. He got me there. I really needed to think things over. However, Mutual Friend wasn’t letting me off that easy. He wanted to know once and for all, did I love him. Was I in love with him and did I want him? He wanted me to be honest. He mentioned that he already knew the answers but wanted to hear it from me. It was so hard, I cried. He hugged me tighter. He said he understood what was going on. He told me to just remember that he loved me, he wanted to be my lover, and that Giuseppe loved the both of us and wanted us to be happy. Remember that and everything would fall into place. He told me to let go of the guilt….starting tonight. Mutual Friend wanted sleep with me in the bed, instead of the sofa in the living area. He wanted to hold me, and he wanted me to hold him. If nothing else happened that night, fine. But at least be comfortable with being close with each other. I could do that. And I did. However, each night I sobbed quietly. Mutual Friend would wipe my tears and tell me it was okay. I was really struggling emotionally. It felt good when Mutual Friend hugged me. It felt nice at night being next to him. But he wasn’t my husband. I had a husband. We got back to California. It was awkward. For the first week back, I slept in the guess room. Giuseppe didn’t make a fuss. He allowed me the space, both physically and emotionally. Back at work it was busy, which was good. It allowed me to get my mind off things. It was always business at work, never talk about personally issue. However, back at home the tension was thick. After a week of not sleeping with Giuseppe, he finally broke down. He told me he already knew how I felt about Mutual Friend ad until I admitted it freely to the both of them….with no guilt, no shame, no apologies, there was always going to be this tensions between the three of us. Ironically, it could put a strain on our marriage. Me not wanting to sleep with another man would put a strain on our marriage. How crazy was this shit? I told them both I needed more time, to be patient with me. I told them they didn’t understand a woman’s heart. That stopped them in their tracks. It was then Giuseppe didn’t realize how selfish he was being. Mutual Friend too felt bad. They both admitted that they were hearing me talk, but weren’t listening to what I was saying. Giuseppe and Mutual friend both agreed not to push the issue. As long as they knew I was willing to give it time, think things over and understand my feelings. They didn’t give me a time schedule. It would work itself out. But one thing was not going to happen. Mutual Friend was not going to date another woman. He said it would be unfair knowing that his heart belonged to someone else. Why pretend? He would stay close. He would be to me everything Giuseppe was, but not a lover. That pressure was off at least. It was at this time my writing was taking off. It was something I always wanted to do and been doing. However, I didn’t enter the genre that I truly loved which was mystery, crime and espionage. I entered the popular thing that was going. Erotica/Romantica. And I was doing good. It was also the time I started reading menage stories. I found them interesting. Also, fanciful and idealistic. Could three people really love each other like that and not have issues. However, the stories had HEA, they were hot and that’s what people wanted. Hell, it was fiction! Could I write one? No. I felt I didn’t have the experience. I mean, look at my life at this time. I jumped every time Mutual Friend looked at me. How could I ever write a story like that? But it was a growing trend, and I wanted in on it. Besides, it meant more money and exposure. But I needed help. I needed to do research. The guys were all for me writing this genre and understood my dilemma. But, they backed off and let me figure it out for myself. At least I thought they were backing off……
4 Comments
|
AuthorI'm living a lifestyle that some might romanticize, while others condemn. But more importantly, I'm happy, And the guys that I'm with are happy too. Nuff Said! Archives
March 2022
Categories |