Let’s jump into it.
I’m in Brandenburg. As many of you know, my stepdad is German. So I have a lot of step cousins in Germany. They welcomed me with open arms and wondered why I hadn’t visit them more frequently. I told them I was here in Europe for a good while, at least three weeks, and they could come with me as I galivant all over. I did call the guys when I landed. They didn’t question me; they didn’t try to talk me out of coming back home. They understood why I left. They just hoped I wouldn’t stay too long. My mom and dad where pretty shocked. Of course, they thought I left because I wanted to think about getting married…. period. They just figured I was nervous about getting married to Giuseppe. They didn’t realize that Mutual Friend came along with the package. My trip overseas wasn’t anything exciting. I’ve been to every continent by 1998, and lived in Italy, Israel in the 1990s, even while knowing the guys. I just needed space. Lots of space. So after my first week there, Giuseppe called. He asked how I was doing, and tried to make small talk. He mentioned everything except the elephant in the room. I finally did. I asked him what he really wanted from this relationship. He said for me to be his wife. Fine, and? Mutual friend loves you. We can’t get around that. Giuseppe said he wasn’t jealous or feeling some kind of way. That it was fine with him, and he wasn’t taking back what he suggested. If Mutual friend wanted to be with me, then it was okay with him. But it wasn’t okay with me I told him. I told him I’m not into open marriages. He said he wasn’t either and this wasn’t an open marriage. Being with Mutual Friend wasn’t like him giving me permission to have an affair. It was him knowing that I was with someone that we both loved, and it was only natural. This was our little world. No one else was in it. Our ruled applied to us and only us. I told him I still had an issue with it. He wanted to know was it because I saw marriage as something that had rules that was written in stone that I couldn’t adjust. With that question I had to think. I never wanted to get married in the first place! I’ve had plenty of men ask me before him. They were good men, but I valued my freedom not answering to anyone. So was the deeper question, was I ready to get married in the first place? Forget about Mutual friend for a moment. I expressed this to Giuseppe. He said he understood, but he didn’t want to have a long-term never-ending relationship with me. He wanted something that made it more permanent and meaningful. With marriage, he felt he would have that….and with Mutual Friend, I would always have a connection with him too And with that explanation, that’s why he felt comfortable with Mutual Friend having the same feelings about me. Nothing would change, except there will be a piece of paper that said he and I were husband and wife. What we did in our relationship and how we defined it was our business. After this long conversation, Giuseppe said he would let me think things over. I did. I was more confused now than ever. All this time, Giuseppe hated when another man looked at me, but he stood back and watched me in all my relationships. He said he was happy for me if I was happy. But you know you could tell when something annoyed someone. And now he had this open mind when it came to Mutual Friend. Then it hit me. It was okay if it was him. Someone, something familiar to him. I think Giuseppe felt that he had more control of the situation if it was someone he knew. I guess. I was just throwing things at the wall at this point. The next week I was in France, visiting my cousins. I have six that were actually born there. We were all over the country for the first three days. Then Mutual Friend called. This conversion took on a completely different tone. He told me straight out that he loved me, he was always going to love me, and even if I married Giuseppe, he was still going to love me. The question he had for me was, did I love him. And not the kind of love one has for a friend, brother or just another human being. He asked if the situation was reversed, if he asked me to marry him before Giuseppe, could I consider it? I sat there and thought. It didn’t take long to come up with and answer. I did love him, the same way I loved Giuseppe. Some people will not understand that. Some people will say you can’t love two people the same way. No you can’t, but the feelings were just as strong for him as it was for Giuseppe. Hell, I saw them as one in the same sometimes. I even called them by each other’s names at times when talking to them. Yes, they have their own distinctive personalities. But the fact remained, I loved them both and wouldn’t know what I would do without either one of them. I told Mutual Friend this. He said that’s all he needed to know. He told me to come back to the States, marry Giuseppe. He would back off; not to worry about how he felt about the whole situation. He would respect our marriage, and the vows that went with it. I told him with all of us knowing how he felt, that would be hard. He said, no. Just think of him as that friend that loves and cares for us deeply and that our happiness means more to him than anything. He said he knows I’ll be happy with Giuseppe, but that fact that he knows I love him too is all he needed. He hung up after that last statemen. I sat there wondering if I could even go through with it. I knew one thing. Just having Giuseppe as a friend wasn’t going to do. Leaving both the guys and find someone else wasn’t an option either. I cried that night. How did I fall in love with two men? I spent another week in Europe. I went to Spain to visit friends, then I did a short detour to visit Israel to talk to my ex-boyfriend, the Israeli soldier. I told him about my being engaged. He was genuinely happy for me. But he saw that something was bothering me. I didn’t tell him the whole situation of course. But he did give me some advance. He told me whatever decisions I make in life were not going to make or break me. Seeing it as a learning experience and move on. If it was the wrong decision, then you just know not to do it again. If it was the right one, then relish that. The important thing was to do what made me happy and accept things as they come. Marrying Giuseppe would make me happy. Accepting the fact that Mutual Friend loved me, and I loved him, would never change. I needed to accept that. Not marrying Giuseppe wasn’t going to change that. It would only make us miserable. After I left Israel, I went back to Germany. This time Berlin. I visited a close step-cousin of mine there. We had a good time, caught up on family stuff. Then it was time for me to come home. I had a wedding to prepare for. When I arrived back in the states, the only person to pick me up at the airport was Giuseppe. Mutual Friend was out of town on business for the company. Giuseppe told me that Mutual Friend told him about the conversation we had. He was glad that I at least acknowledged I how felt about Mutual Friend, and that was actually the biggest hurdle between us. All Mutual friend wanted to hear was that I loved him as much as I loved Giuseppe. Nothing more was mentioned about it. Giuseppe, my family and friends started preparing everything for the wedding. Just a month before the big day, Mutual friend planned a bachelor party, and my cousin planned a bachelorette party. Again, nothing mentioned about the elephant still in the room. But as far as Giuseppe and Mutual Friend were concerned the matter was settled. Just my acknowledgement was enough for them. I never questioned them either. I learned a long time ago, never ask questions of these two, or question them about their behavior. Just go with the flow. They have an unspoken bond that I could never penetrate or understand. The night before the big day, Mutual Friend took me out to dinner. We had a wonderful time. We talked about the time we first met and all the things we’ve done together and the trouble we gotten ourselves into, and all the crazy things that happened to us. Mutual friend made a vow that he would never leave Giuseppe or me. That even if he went out of town, did some traveling on his own or dropped out of sight for a month or two, that we could always call him, and he would be here in a New York second. He also told me that he was genuinely happy of our impending marriage and it’s what Giuseppe wanted for a long time. Mutual Friend said our happiness was his happiness…always and forever And I believe him. The day arrived. It was a December wedding and it was freezing for like the first time in years. That was okay, I loved it, although the guys were freezing their butts off and couldn’t wait for the reception since it was indoors. The wedding was typical: Parents crying, friends smiling, and vows were taken. When the best man had to kiss me, Mutual Friend didn’t do anything extra. Everything went without a hitch. So now I was Mrs. Spalino. I was legally bound to someone. I told you I was a free spirit, and getting married was the last thing on my to-do list. But with Giuseppe it was different. I didn’t feel as though I was chained to someone, and couldn’t breathe or have my freedom, and be other than Mrs. Spalino. I was still Stephanie, and Giuseppe made sure to treat me as he always did. As a good friend. That night was our honeymoon night, but there was a surprise in our hotel suite. There was an envelope on the bed addressed to both of us. It was from Mutual Friend. Inside was two tickets and an itinerary for a World Cruise on the QE2. It was a few years before She retired, but we didn’t know that at the time. We were just excited to go on this cruise. And even though it was going places that I’ve been to two, three or four times before, it was still exciting. I love ships and the sea. So does Giuseppe. He comes from a fishing family in Palermo (although he can’t fish to save his life) So, we were set to sail in three days. And boy, what a trip this will turn out to be. Leave it to us to make the ordinary all kinds of crazy. Until next time....
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AuthorI'm living a lifestyle that some might romanticize, while others condemn. But more importantly, I'm happy, And the guys that I'm with are happy too. Nuff Said! Archives
March 2022
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