Hello Ménage Peeps!
It’s been a while since you heard my P.O.V. So this is a good place to start again. As you read from the guys, this marriage proposal, then no-proposal, then trying to figure out just what were we to each other was confusing and stressful. I told Giuseppe and Mutual Friend over and over again, since the beginning, that we should just keep our relationship as platonic friends. That as soon as I dated one of them, problems would arise. And sure enough… it did. This problem was different than your standard, one person gets jealous. Or the other person sneaks and tries to take the other person away from the other. In fact, just the opposite. These guys were actually trying to decide how to divide me up between them! What the fuck! What the guys left out (for me to fill in) was what I really felt about it and how I confronted them before I left the states. I decided to confront Giuseppe first off, since he’s the one that wanted to marry me and it was his friend that was the wrench in all of this. I told him that going together was a bad idea, and look where we are. We need to go back as friends. Giuseppe said it was too late for that even if he called off the proposal. The feelings were out there, now we had to deal with them. I told him, you do realize that your best friend, almost blood brother, wants to sleep with your fiancée. He said he knew, but he knew it since day one when he introduced us years ago. At the time it wasn’t a big deal, we were all friends and agreed to stay that way. What he felt, which was natural was okay, and more importantly there was nothing that could be done about it. Mutual Friends feelings were not going to magically disappear just because he proposed to me. I told him that wasn’t the point. Here we are, all good friends and now one wants to marry the other while the other is attracted to the same person. Then Giuseppe threw me a curve ball. What if from time to time Mutual Friend spent time with me. It could be platonic, but it was my call. I didn’t think I was hearing right. I asked him if he realized what he was saying. He said he did, but that I was in denial. That I loved Mutual Friend as much as I loved him. If I didn’t then this whole thing would not upset me. I wouldn’t be so torn. He told me if I had no romantic/sexual and loving feelings for Mutual Friend, and if I really saw him as just a friend, we could get married in the next couple of months, no problem. I told him it was more complicated than that. He said no. If he’s just a friend to me and in my eyes and heart, then marrying him would not be an issue. Well it was an issue. I did feel something for Mutual Friend. More than something actually. He was always right there when I needed him if Giuseppe was away on business or a personal family matter. Giuseppe trusted him enough to allow him to be with me when he was out town for two weeks and he respected me. If Giuseppe and I had an argument, like most friends do, Mutual Friend was right there to play referee or mediator. Mutual Friend told me on many occasions how he felt about me, but I wasn’t listening. Perhaps because I was feeling the same thing, but didn’t want to voice it. I felt that if I did, I would be responsible for the breakup of our friendship. So I relied on the guys to keep things platonic. But that wasn’t happening either. Now this. Giuseppe thought maybe I should reconsider the whole situation. He said that we could still get married, that Mutual Friend would always be in our lives. The fact that he was in love with me was going to happen and can’t be helped. But he loved me too, and wanted to be a permanent fixture in my life as well. I explained to him that I couldn’t marry both of them. He said, I would be anyway, I would just be sleeping with one of them. And leaving the other one out in the cold, I reminded him. Then Giuseppe said something that shocked the hell out of me. He said, if for some reason that Mutual Friend wants to still be with me after we’re married, and if I did not mind, they could arrange it that we could be on more than platonic terms, that maybe we could be a little bit more intimate—but not all the way intimate. I straight out screamed “ARE YOU CRAZY!” He said of course not. This was something he would allow and didn’t mind. If it was okay with me of course. No! I was either married to him and that’s it, no other man, even Mutual Friend should be intimate with me, even if it’s just a little. Giuseppe said too really think about it. That the whole thing he was proposing made sense in the long run, and that it would be perfectly normal for “our” situation. If I wasn’t confused before, I really was now. For days I thought about this. I barely talked to the guys. Then one day I decided to have a one on one talk with Mutual Friend. He came to my place. I remember I made dinner for the both of us. After we ate, I went over everything Giuseppe said to me in regards to this love triangle. Mutual Friend was hesitant, at least that’s what he told me. BUT….. he did say it all made sense and why not. No one had to know, it was our personal relationship. No one would get hurt, since we were all so close. So in a strange way the three of us being in that kind of relationship wouldn’t be too farfetched. I called Giuseppe on the phone and had him on speaker. I needed to ask one more thing. To clear something up, that was in the back of my mind. I asked them both, suppose that Mutual Friend and I did more than kiss and cuddle and hold hands. Suppose things got out of hand? Would he forgive me? Giuseppe said there would be nothing to forgive. That he wouldn’t be surprised if that happened and wouldn’t be upset actually. He figured Mutual Friend would come to him first or tell him about it later. And he expected the same from me. So in other words if Mutual Friend was to actually sleep with me, it would be okay? I askes again. Giuseppe said it wasn’t a matter of being okay or not okay. That’s just how things were. Mutual Friend agreed. I’m so glad they had such a cavalier attitude about this. (Serious sarcasm) I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from the both of them. I mean marriage was between two people—only. Yes, Mutual Friend would still be in the picture….not in the background. He could never be in the background, I cared about him too much. And that’s when I realized that I was in love with two men that were the best of friends. I needed to really think this through. So I packed my bags, and left. I mean really left – for Germany. I have step-relatives there, my stepdads family. Then I would go somewhere else, where I didn’t know. When I traveled I always played it by ear. I might visit my cousin who was living in Japan, or visit my other cousins in France. Or just be alone in Spain. Who knows. But I couldn’t stay here with these two, I needed to be as far away from them as possible. I told them my plan. Instead of getting resistance from them, they agreed. This was something that I really needed to think about since this involved all of us. Us. I could never shake that. So they drove me to the airport and I boarded my plane. We will pick up in Brandenburg next week.....
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It’s Hubster again! Let’s dive into this as they say.
We had our trip to San Francisco. It was fun, we did everything we wanted to do. The drive back home was quiet. Yep, we had to have a serious talk. But the problem was, I did not know where to start, or what to say. I needed to ask questions. I needed to ask Mutual Friend a lot of questions and one very important one. When we got back home, we went back to the office. We had a new commercial to do for a client, so for the first week or so, we were too busy to talk about feelings. But after that, everything needed to be how you say, headed on. Up front, all the cards on the table. I believe Bella went to the mall with some of her friends or her cousins on that day. I just know she left the house for an all-day shopping excursion….as usual. This gave me time with Mutual Friend. I drank half a bottle of wine that day. I knew this was going to open a can of worms. But I went for it. I asked Mutual Friend, if he wanted to have sex with Bella, and to be honest. He said yes, but it was more to it than that. He wanted to be her man. Of course, that was a problem. He knew that, but it didn’t change how he felt. You may be asking, was I mad for him telling me this? No. He was honest. And oddly enough I understood. So now what? I wanted to make sure of one more thing. Was this true love for Bella, or infatuation, or wanting something someone else had? I asked a very, as you say loaded question to Mutual Friend. “Would you like to sleep with her to get it her out of your system? Then I can ask her to marry me.” He looked at me shocked. Then he said very plain and honest. “No. For one, I don’t see her as just sleeping with to get out of the system. If I sleep with her it’s because I want to be with her forever. I would never do that to her, myself or you.” Okay, that cleared that up. So it was deeper than I thought. We still had a problem. I asked him what do you suggest we do? We both love her, we both can’t have her. Can we?” Mutual Friend said that would be hard. I said, actually, it wouldn’t. I even surprised myself when those words came out. But it was true. Was it so hard for both Mutual Friend and I to be with Stephanie intimately? We have known each other longer than some married couples at this point. We were inseparable. We were the best of friends. I told him, I didn’t mind him kissing her, hugging her, even sleeping (in the literal sense) with her. He would still be in our lives, nothing has changed. He said, yeah, things changed. I would be married to a woman that would never consider having sex with another man. You have a close friend that dreams about her and wants her just as much, and will always be around the two of you. She needs to know. Yes, this was hard. So marriage proposal was off for now anyway. I had to think of something else. We needed to talk to Bella We set a date. All three of us went out. So it wasn’t a date, with me and Bella, it was getting together as friends. We had dinner at her favorite place. It was dark and intimate. Everything was going smoothly until I brought up the subject of our relationship. Stephanie felt it was best that she didn’t date either one of us. This is what I was afraid of. I told her no. This could be worked out. She didn’t think so. Mutual Friend assured her that it was okay. She should go ahead and marry me, he was okay with it, in fact he insisted. He said I have never been happier, that she made me happy and that he was happy for us—really. I knew part of this was a lie. I didn’t know what Mutual Friend was up too. Back at home. Bella asked me if he meant what he said. I couldn’t really answer that. I was confused! But I told Bella, if he said it, he means it. She then surprised me, she would accept my proposal. I could have fainted. I told Mutual Friend. He was genuinely happy Of course Bella had some rules. Our engagement would be long, a year. She would not live with me. I hated this already, but willing to go along with it. So she moved out and went back to her condo. Okay, that’s fine, a year will go by fast. And it did. Her mother and stepdad were getting things ready for the big day. Bella had a custom made wedding dress. Mutual Friend was my Best Man of course. Through the whole year however, I have been thinking our relationship over. When I say our, I mean all three of us. No matter what, Bella was marrying Mutual Friend too. May not have been consummated, but she was his too. This love triangle was not put on the bookshelf, as they say. It was still there. What we had to do was try to figure out what needed to be done. I and Bella were the only ones that could make the decisions. For the first time Mutual Friend had no say so. This was going to be an interesting wedding and honeymoon. Fast forward again. Four months before the big day. I had to talk to Bella. All three of us were pretending everything was okay. I finally told Stephanie everything that Mutual Friend and I have been going over things. She was mad at me, and she had reason to be. I told her I loved Mutual Friend and didn’t want to see him hurting, but I loved her too and didn’t want to be without her. Mutual Friend didn’t want to be without us. She didn’t know the answer to the situation. But I did. I told her to hear me out and don’t judge me. I said if she and Mutual Friend wanted to have a day or a week alone, they had my permission. I know some of you fainted right now. But if you have been following this blog, you know this was only natural, there wasn’t anything odd. And of course, I would not mind. I would leave town, and let them be alone. Stephanie was appalled as you might say. I told her don’t be angry. To think about it, really think about. Could it be any other way? He loves you, and I told her that I knew she loved him. I see the way she looks at him, how she laughs with him or at him when he is being a joker. The way they hug each other and hold hands. You could switch Mutual Friend with me. You could not tell the difference. I told her this. She finally admitted it and this is why we should not marry. She could not have both of us. No, not morally maybe. (but who’s to say). But we will always have Mutual Friend in our lives. He will not leave us, it will be almost the same. We’re still the three Musketeers. We had little time before the wedding. She needed to think. So she did what she did best when she needed to think of something heavy and life changing. She left the country. Her story next…….. It’s been a long time since you heard my point of view, and I think this is the perfect point of the story where I can give my view.
Just to confirm everything Mutual Friend was saying. It was rough on him. I didn’t have to imagine how bad it was for him, I could see it and feel it. I hurt for him too. I also hurt for Bella (Stephanie). I will explain later. I wanted to marry Bella, I was ready, been ready for years. And yes, she was allergic to marriage. She’s seen so many of her friends and relatives in marriage, some so-so, some bad and saw that the woman seemed to be chained to the men and had to answer to them. I would not have done that to her. I know she is a free spirit, and I know she would never stray or embarrass me. But she felt that ring was like handcuffs. Then Mutual Friend put in his two cents. His reasoning was of course different. He didn’t want me to marry Bella because he knew that would stop any chance of him being with her. True. I had to really rethink things. Did I want to postpone asking her to marry me, because of another man? Mutual Friend is not just any man to me. I knew his feelings for Bella was more than physical. He grew to love her as I did. This was a problem. Now I was confused about all three of us. How were we going to work this out? In my mind, there was only one way. To allow Mutual Friend to be a bit closer to Bella. Have sex with her? Hell No! But, he could take her out when I was busy. He could be alone with her. I trusted him. You may be saying this was a recipe for a problem. Mutual Friend would never betray me. I decided to make rules. But telling them and showing them was different. I needed to show him I was okay with him being close with her. Naptimes and bedtime One incident happened before a trip we were taking. A road trip to San Francisco. It was going to be a long drive, so we made sure to get our rest the night before. I and Bella slept in the master bedroom, Mutual Friend was going to be in the guest. He was going to drive first that morning, I was going to drive that afternoon, and Bella would take the last hours. Bella was already in bed when Mutual Friend was heading to his room. I told him to wait and come in the room. He did. And his eyes went to straight Bella, sound asleep. I told him to stay and talk with me until I fell asleep. He agreed and went to a nearby chair. I told him to get on the bed beside Stephanie, she’s a sound sleeper. He hesitated of course. But after a few minutes he did. I was on the other side of Stephanie. She was snoring. Yes, she snores sometimes. I told Mutual Friend that I wouldn’t mind if he slept with us on occasion. I mean, if we all happened to fall asleep together, no sense in getting up leaving and waking the other one up. Besides it was innocent, nothing was happening. Of course those nights that I wanted to be with Stephanie on intimate terms, of course he was the leave. We continued to talk about it and other things, and of course I fell asleep. So did he. I woke up in the middle of the night. I went to sleep holding Bella, now Bella was snuggling with Mutual Friend. They both looked very happy, comfortable. I got up, went to the kitchen for water, you know, things you do in the middle of the night. I came back into the room, and looked at the two. Mutual Friend was happy. I could tell. And I was happy, there was no harm in him holding her. But there was one person left out of this agreement. I didn’t know how Stephanie would feel. I don’t think she even realized that she was snuggled up with him. I got back into bed, careful not to disturb the two. The next morning proved interesting. Stephanie woke up at the crack of dawn and saw she was in-between the two of us. She screeched. She got up out of bed and went into the other room. Mutual Friend was clueless of course, then he realized what happened. Oh shit! I think I fucked up on this one. “You need to explain that to her,” Mutual Friend said. Yep, I needed to explain that. I went to her. I remember she was sitting in a chair looking scared as hell. I mean really frightened. I needed to ease her quickly. I told her that Mutual friend and I were talking, we both fell asleep and instead of waking you up, I let he stay there. Not a problem. She looked at me like I was crazy. This was a problem, she never slept with two men at the same time. Whoa, whoa! I told her that we were actually sleeping together, not sexually sleeping together, totally different. And she needed to look at it like that. Nothing happened, there was nothing wrong with it. I reminded her too, that she traveled the world and sleeping together like we did was normal. Nothing sexual about it. She remined me that we were in America. SIGH. This was not going to be easy. We got our road picnic together and we hit the road. Mutual Friend was at the wheel. I was riding shotgun and Bella was in the back. Nothing more was said about what happened that night. We talked about other things, listened to the radio, sang songs, checked out the scenery. Then of course, Bella talked about all the shops and food places she wanted to visit. Safe conversation. When it was my turned to drive, Mutual friend and I switched places. We ate in the car and continued to look at the scenery. There was still a huge gorilla in the car as you say. Nobody dared mentioned the sleeping arrangements. Not until we arrived in San Francisco. We had two rooms. Bella and I had one, Mutual Friend had the other. I wanted to change that. There were two beds our room. Lets save money. Cancel Mutual Friends room and he could sleep with us. It was no different really than when we were all just friends, traveling all around the world. Yes, sometimes it was me and Mutual Friend in one room and her in another, but there were times we came in talked and watched television, then fell asleep. So the sleeping arrangements were basically the same. But Bella want to know about, what if we wanted to have sex. Where was mutual friend going? Walk around the streets, go to the lobby? Good question. I told her for this trip, we’ll abstain. She did not like that. I told her the alternative was wait until he fell asleep. Mutual Friend jokily said, he wouldn’t. watch. I thought it was funny, Stephanie didn’t. I really needed to talk to her. I think this was beyond the napping together. In the end Mutual Friend kept his room. I did not want to ruin the trip for any of us. But I needed to discuss some things with Stephanie. We would enjoy our trip. No talk of naps, sleeping in the same bed. Bella and I did make love. But something was bothering both of us, and we both knew it. It was time to have a meeting when we got back home. Until next week….. |
AuthorI'm living a lifestyle that some might romanticize, while others condemn. But more importantly, I'm happy, And the guys that I'm with are happy too. Nuff Said! Archives
March 2022
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