Hello Ménage Peeps!
It’s been a while since you heard my P.O.V. So this is a good place to start again. As you read from the guys, this marriage proposal, then no-proposal, then trying to figure out just what were we to each other was confusing and stressful. I told Giuseppe and Mutual Friend over and over again, since the beginning, that we should just keep our relationship as platonic friends. That as soon as I dated one of them, problems would arise. And sure enough… it did. This problem was different than your standard, one person gets jealous. Or the other person sneaks and tries to take the other person away from the other. In fact, just the opposite. These guys were actually trying to decide how to divide me up between them! What the fuck! What the guys left out (for me to fill in) was what I really felt about it and how I confronted them before I left the states. I decided to confront Giuseppe first off, since he’s the one that wanted to marry me and it was his friend that was the wrench in all of this. I told him that going together was a bad idea, and look where we are. We need to go back as friends. Giuseppe said it was too late for that even if he called off the proposal. The feelings were out there, now we had to deal with them. I told him, you do realize that your best friend, almost blood brother, wants to sleep with your fiancée. He said he knew, but he knew it since day one when he introduced us years ago. At the time it wasn’t a big deal, we were all friends and agreed to stay that way. What he felt, which was natural was okay, and more importantly there was nothing that could be done about it. Mutual Friends feelings were not going to magically disappear just because he proposed to me. I told him that wasn’t the point. Here we are, all good friends and now one wants to marry the other while the other is attracted to the same person. Then Giuseppe threw me a curve ball. What if from time to time Mutual Friend spent time with me. It could be platonic, but it was my call. I didn’t think I was hearing right. I asked him if he realized what he was saying. He said he did, but that I was in denial. That I loved Mutual Friend as much as I loved him. If I didn’t then this whole thing would not upset me. I wouldn’t be so torn. He told me if I had no romantic/sexual and loving feelings for Mutual Friend, and if I really saw him as just a friend, we could get married in the next couple of months, no problem. I told him it was more complicated than that. He said no. If he’s just a friend to me and in my eyes and heart, then marrying him would not be an issue. Well it was an issue. I did feel something for Mutual Friend. More than something actually. He was always right there when I needed him if Giuseppe was away on business or a personal family matter. Giuseppe trusted him enough to allow him to be with me when he was out town for two weeks and he respected me. If Giuseppe and I had an argument, like most friends do, Mutual Friend was right there to play referee or mediator. Mutual Friend told me on many occasions how he felt about me, but I wasn’t listening. Perhaps because I was feeling the same thing, but didn’t want to voice it. I felt that if I did, I would be responsible for the breakup of our friendship. So I relied on the guys to keep things platonic. But that wasn’t happening either. Now this. Giuseppe thought maybe I should reconsider the whole situation. He said that we could still get married, that Mutual Friend would always be in our lives. The fact that he was in love with me was going to happen and can’t be helped. But he loved me too, and wanted to be a permanent fixture in my life as well. I explained to him that I couldn’t marry both of them. He said, I would be anyway, I would just be sleeping with one of them. And leaving the other one out in the cold, I reminded him. Then Giuseppe said something that shocked the hell out of me. He said, if for some reason that Mutual Friend wants to still be with me after we’re married, and if I did not mind, they could arrange it that we could be on more than platonic terms, that maybe we could be a little bit more intimate—but not all the way intimate. I straight out screamed “ARE YOU CRAZY!” He said of course not. This was something he would allow and didn’t mind. If it was okay with me of course. No! I was either married to him and that’s it, no other man, even Mutual Friend should be intimate with me, even if it’s just a little. Giuseppe said too really think about it. That the whole thing he was proposing made sense in the long run, and that it would be perfectly normal for “our” situation. If I wasn’t confused before, I really was now. For days I thought about this. I barely talked to the guys. Then one day I decided to have a one on one talk with Mutual Friend. He came to my place. I remember I made dinner for the both of us. After we ate, I went over everything Giuseppe said to me in regards to this love triangle. Mutual Friend was hesitant, at least that’s what he told me. BUT….. he did say it all made sense and why not. No one had to know, it was our personal relationship. No one would get hurt, since we were all so close. So in a strange way the three of us being in that kind of relationship wouldn’t be too farfetched. I called Giuseppe on the phone and had him on speaker. I needed to ask one more thing. To clear something up, that was in the back of my mind. I asked them both, suppose that Mutual Friend and I did more than kiss and cuddle and hold hands. Suppose things got out of hand? Would he forgive me? Giuseppe said there would be nothing to forgive. That he wouldn’t be surprised if that happened and wouldn’t be upset actually. He figured Mutual Friend would come to him first or tell him about it later. And he expected the same from me. So in other words if Mutual Friend was to actually sleep with me, it would be okay? I askes again. Giuseppe said it wasn’t a matter of being okay or not okay. That’s just how things were. Mutual Friend agreed. I’m so glad they had such a cavalier attitude about this. (Serious sarcasm) I couldn’t believe what I was hearing from the both of them. I mean marriage was between two people—only. Yes, Mutual Friend would still be in the picture….not in the background. He could never be in the background, I cared about him too much. And that’s when I realized that I was in love with two men that were the best of friends. I needed to really think this through. So I packed my bags, and left. I mean really left – for Germany. I have step-relatives there, my stepdads family. Then I would go somewhere else, where I didn’t know. When I traveled I always played it by ear. I might visit my cousin who was living in Japan, or visit my other cousins in France. Or just be alone in Spain. Who knows. But I couldn’t stay here with these two, I needed to be as far away from them as possible. I told them my plan. Instead of getting resistance from them, they agreed. This was something that I really needed to think about since this involved all of us. Us. I could never shake that. So they drove me to the airport and I boarded my plane. We will pick up in Brandenburg next week.....
6 Comments
Gwen
5/30/2020 07:30:16 am
Realizations began to dawn on you...I look forward to reading what happens next after your reprieve.
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Mary Menages
5/30/2020 08:33:53 am
Okay. Girl, leaving for a month or two away to think about it. Fine. Moving away for an undetermined period of time. Coward.
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5/30/2020 09:36:45 am
I totally get the sarcasm here lol and your confusion and the need to put distance between you and them to try to get some perspective. I think they let you go because it was what you needed at the time and they knew you would return. If not I'm pretty sure they'd hunt you down. lol
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Jackie Brown
5/30/2020 09:54:56 am
Take the time to think what is best for you right now. This is a big decision. Whatever you decide, I will be praying for you.
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Micheline
5/30/2020 02:04:04 pm
well, love is a complicated thing in the best of all worlds. love conquers all, and obviously it did in the end. but i get the hesitance, even the issue comprehending, but my God to have two men who love you so fully, and obviously love one another that sharing that with one is just mind blowing. i understand your point of vue fully; and i admire both men for that sense of love and mutual respect that made this alright. serious love to the 3 of you. looking forward to continuing the journey of this most tremendous love story.
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Evelyn Regan
5/31/2020 06:15:11 pm
I feel your angst and overwhelming doubt Stephanie. You're asking yourself, "Could I subject myself to this kind of relationship with Hubster and Mutual Friend". I think you were in denial and had to get away from them to think things through. So ready to continue with your POV.
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AuthorI'm living a lifestyle that some might romanticize, while others condemn. But more importantly, I'm happy, And the guys that I'm with are happy too. Nuff Said! Archives
March 2022
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