The Hubster here.
It has been a while, we know, but we’re back! Let me pick up where my good friend left off. Both Mutual Friend and I tried everything to get bella (Stephanie) to go with us. She was not having it. One day, I was spending the night at her condo. This was something that confused me. Why would you have a man that you don’t have romantic feelings for, with stay with you. She said that she considered me as a platonic friend and that she trusted me. I hated this. Guys do not like being in the Friend Box if they are attracted to someone. But I accepted it, as long as I was near her. This one night we got into an argument. I forgot what it was (I might remember it as I continue typing). But it was aloud argument, I do remember that, because a nosy neighbor of hers called the police. They came and asked the typical questions. They were the domestic violence kind of questions. There was none of that going on. But sometimes bella and I get loud. I have a loud deep voice already, and she tried to match me, and there you have it. The policeman had a sympathetic ear. I took advantage of that. I told him (while bella was stomping around in her bedroom) that I wanted to be her boyfriend, but she saw me only as a friend. (Now I remember what we were arguing about. The air conditioner. She had to have it Meat Locker cold, and I need heat to survive.) Back to the story. LOL I remembered the policeman called her into the room and asked why she didn’t give me a chance. We were both attractive people, why not, we were friends. She trusted me enough to have me spend the night. Why not? That was a mistake. Bella reminded him what job he had, and told him to go out and go catch some crooks. I love her fire! After we cooled off. I asked her why not? Why shouldn’t we at least try. We had a lot in our favor She knew me and I knew her We’ve been through so much together. We have seen the best and worse in each of us We found each other attractive. We shared interests. We had interesting conversations I had her! She could not fight me. With reluctance (which made me feel great – NOT!), she agreed. If I thought I was going to bed with her that night, I was mistaken. I was back on the sofa bed and she was in her bedroom. I thought at least I could cuddle with her. As the days and weeks went on. We dated. She wanted to act like we were meeting for the first time. I had to woo her as you say. And there was no sleeping together until she was ready. I bought her things, took her places, the whole thing. Meantime, Mutual Friend is saying he is happy for us. But I could tell, he was hurt. He dated other women, but I knew it was just to “fill in”. We did double date a lot, but I think it was because he wanted to be near her. He remained the perfect gentleman. He never came on to her and never suggested that he be with her alone at any time. I would not have mind, if he went over to her place when I wasn’t there. I trusted him. And I told him so. We were still the Three Musketeers. And from time to time he was with her alone, when I was either busy, or just couldn’t make it for some reason. Then one day, Mutual Friend told me, he could not do it anymore. I love him dearly. He’s closer to me that anyone except for bella. I understood, but told him, he needed to stay a part of my life as well as hers. As the weeks continued, the time for intimacy was past due, at least for me. Bella was hesitant. Bella still saw me as a “friend”. That’s fine, yes, I am her best friend, I should be. But I wanted to be more. I got unlikely help for this problem. Mutual Friend. He said that he would go talk to her. Find out what she was thinking. He said he was in a better position to do this, since it wasn’t me asking her questions. She would be more honest with him. He went to her, in fact they had a friend date. The movies, dinner hanging out at the mall late. This is not the first time Mutual Friend has run interference as they say. What bella told him was eye opening. And I was hurt. But thinking back, I understand She didn’t want to be hurt. She was afraid that she was just a conquest to me, and once I “had” her, that was it. All the chasing I was doing and her being hard to get I saw as a challenge, nothing more. OUCH! Mutual Friend knew this was not true. I spilled my guts out to him every night about how I felt about my bella. It is true, that Stephanie is not like most women. She doesn’t sleep on the first, second, third, hell, not even two months into dating. You know how long it was between the time we had out first date as boyfriend and girlfriend to the time I was in her bed? Six months! It was longer with me that with the other men she dated. They had three to four months. SIGH But I was still in that friend zone, and now according to Mutual Friend, she thought I saw her as some sort of game. When Mutual Friend told me all I needed to know, I was angry and hurt. He told me I needed to understand and look at it from her end. I did. It hurt, but I did. And then I did understand. I had to work ten times as hard to get her trust that I thought I already had. And give her the assurance that this was real. The feelings I had for her were real. Did Mutual Friend tell her how he felt? No. But she already knew. That was one of the main reasons why she didn’t want to date either of us in the first place. We both had to put her mind at ease for that. Mutual Friend was never jealous, just hurt. There is a difference. But as time went on, he accepted it and helped us get through some rough times. And there were some like most relationships. But I believe without our strong friendship, without Mutual Friend being there to be able to see things from the outside of our relationship, we may not have gotten through them. Maybe we could, but it would have been longer. But now we had another problem, that was totally outside all three of us. People wanted to know why Mutual friend was with us from time to time, when he wasn’t dating. He didn’t come on all of our dates. But sometimes when we did something that we use to do as friends, we invited him along. Bella was comfortable with him. I was too. I never saw him as a third wheel as you guys say. It was just natural, that he was included in things. Of course, when we wanted to be alone, we were and there was no discussion, it was understood. It was after dating for a year, that my bella and I realized that Mutual Friend was a part of us. And the funny thing is, it didn’t seem intrusive. It’s hard to explain. If we had movie night, where we would watch old movies on DVD. Bella would be on my lap, or vise versa. And Mutual Friend would be sitting in the chair, or sometimes on the couch with us. It was natural. We traveled still. Most of the time it was just bella and I. But sometimes, Mutual Friend was there too. It was the most natural thing, like when we were all just friends. When I wanted to have a “special” night with her, and spend the night. Mutual Friend would magically disappear for a few days. It was then we realized that we couldn’t do without each other and it was okay. The next update, will be from Stephanie’s (bella) point of view. She has an interesting view of this dynamic.
5 Comments
Gwen
10/25/2019 10:12:54 am
6 months???? Just by reading your words I can tell just how much love you have for my girl..Now the cold.....NOT! I’m with you on the heat factor.
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Julia
10/25/2019 11:57:37 am
Glad Mutual Friend was there to help you guys! I like it Meat Licker cold, too! Shared blankets are for warming up!
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Evelyn Regan
10/25/2019 03:23:21 pm
I understand what Stephanie was feeling, as well as your point of view. She needed to know if your interest in her was genuine. Mutual Friend was able to help her see that you were true about your feelings for her.
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Michelle
10/28/2019 07:17:42 am
I really enjoyed reading this from your point of view. I can only imagine the struggle you and your bella went through trying to meet on common ground. My heart went out to the Mutual Friend as he helped you guys straighten things out and connect but still being on the outside. I'm glad things worked out in the end.
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AuthorI'm living a lifestyle that some might romanticize, while others condemn. But more importantly, I'm happy, And the guys that I'm with are happy too. Nuff Said! Archives
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